wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
