Please don't use social media to get back at me.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
