Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
