apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
