pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
