her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
