i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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