Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
