i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
