3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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