Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
