I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
