Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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