I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
