So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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