cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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