Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
