you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
