Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
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Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
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We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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