the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
