laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Randomize
