i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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