Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Randomize
