You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
