After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
