Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
