Your tits are I can't wait for
handjob tips. give me some.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
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I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
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Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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