This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
