dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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