Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
