I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
