Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I didn't notice because vodka
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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