they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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