he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
And then he peed in my hair
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