and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
