I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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