Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
