if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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