Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
