READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
