The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
