You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
