i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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