She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
