I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
