my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Apple has a Lot to Explain to iPhone X Customers
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
People Asked The Internet Questions About their Private Parts And The Results Are Hilarious
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.