I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
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I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
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Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...