Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival