so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...