Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
