JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
my sisters under your porch take her home
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
