I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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