i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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