Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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