i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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