I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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