I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
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