Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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