Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Randomize
