What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
operation harelip BJ is a go
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
