Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
