her vagina looked like bernie madoff
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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