We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
