..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
