The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
