The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
