my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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