There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
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