I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
