Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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