Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
My dick has a subreddit
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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