I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
