pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Randomize
