remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
