your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
