i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
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