i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
